Five Positive Ways To Cope With the Soul-Crushing Silent Treatment Leave a comment

Does he have someone else in his life? Does he even care that I exist, let alone in his life but in this same house?

Why is he not caring for my feelings? Then why did he commit to me? Are we done?

Questions like these often arise in the mind when we feel ignored. But wait! Instead of trying to check his phone to verify your doubts, it’s better to watch po*n. If you can’t find anything else to do, that is…

Studies say certain people resort to silent treatment in long-term relationships because they believe their partner should just know why they are upset. Research shows that People who endure silent treatment reported threats to belongingness, self-esteem, and meaningful existence. And in worse cases tried to terminate relationships with their ostracizing partners.

Quite often, I have been a desperato and felt like a victim of loneliness. I had household chores and kids for the most part. But then that void feeling was lurking around me, giving me cold stares that made me tear up with every thought of him ignoring me.

I so longed for them, loud belly laughs, and also those relaxed late afternoon walks when the weather is just right, holding hands in quiet residential neighborhoods. Didn’t I deserve it? Why is he not that much into me?

So… What did I end up doing?

I started enjoying life in my own way, and guess what? I don’t give a damn now if he is ignoring me or trying to avoid me.
Spoiler: The truth was he wasn’t avoiding me or anything. It was just that I needed myself to hold me back up in those times. Not too surprising, huh?

Fact: It’s ok to be ignored or feel neglected in a relationship, but not too much. Maybe he is a narcissist or just an introvert who doesn’t want to show his anger and stops communication?

. . .

The 5 things I did to pick me up when I felt down or let down? And you should too.

1. Stopped Reacting

Understanding that I had a life before this relationship, life will have to continue now and even in the future, whatever the case.
My first realization — I was letting someone’s attitude dictate my state of mind. Whenever I had a tiff with my parents, we eventually made up. It was usually because I had it my way. But in a relationship with someone other than my parents, my rant is not taken seriously… but very seriously. So seriously that the situation worsens.

So, I decided to stop reacting (or over-reacting! if you ask my “quiet and introvert” partner) at the slightest glint of irritation I felt when I sensed feeling neglected.

Was it hard? I swear on my favorite Mozorella pizza, it felt hell impossible.
But it is possible and totally worth it.

. . .

2. Discovering New Interests

I watched many light-hearted shows. My fall-back options included watching sitcoms or romcoms on my must-watch list. Before you sign me off as a binge-watching grown-up kid, sure, these helped me to take life lightly. And I’d even recommend some stand-up comedy shows you’d like. You’ll find hundreds on YouTube.

I read books, listening to audiobooks and podcasts. Books were my best friends since childhood. So I turned to them as if by second nature. Stories fascinated, shocked, surprised, and engaged me. It mainly took my mind off thoughts that I felt neglected. I felt drawn into lives other than mine. Who aren’t fans of good stories, well-narrated?

Add running to it. I go on 5k runs at least thrice a week, with an audiobook or podcast for company, and how time flies.

I stopped depending on others to create happiness. Instead, I created my own and understood — happiness is a state of mind. I also developed a gratitude and abundance mindset. Feeling thankful for the things I took for granted and believed I have enough to live a fulfilling life.

So often, we just have to take a step back and take a look around. Ignore ignorance. Stop reacting and distract yourself with your other better interests.

. . .

3. Upskill to Kill (negative thoughts)

I stumbled upon “Copywriting” when I started my journey of self-discovery and uncovering my interests. The thoughts and ideas behind great Ad campaigns, the evolution of Ads from print and mail order Ads to the overcrowded advertising market fascinates me. The psychological triggers employed in advertising and the great amusement of seeing it work made me a student of copywriting.

Deciding copywriting is something I wanted to pursue, I completed courses on creative writing, persuasive writing, web designing, marketing. Then, created a portfolio website and started working towards building my own thing.

An idle mind is a devil’s workshop, and a busy mind is an angel’s workshop.

Yes, I made up the 2nd part of the saying, and happy to report it is true.

It’s depressing when your spouse or partner neglects you, but you hardly notice you’re being ignored if you have 10 other things to do. Get yourself busy, then you’ll find you have no time to worry about why he’s giving you the silent treatment.

It is mentally freeing to work with a sense of purpose. What’s your superpower? Find your life’s purpose. No, it’s not to be your partner’s eye candy.

. . .

4. Setting Goals and Finding a Tribe

I set goals — writing goals, reading goals, parenting goals, and self-care goals. These set me out on a journey each day, and I hardly find time to worry about anything more. Instead, goals throw light on where I’m heading and tell me what I need to do next.

There are days (many) where I miss every set goal and just loathe myself. I ponder at the “why” should I do it? I give myself a bad rap that I’d be better off with my old 9–5. But still, a walk or a good pep talk pulls me back on track.

The convenience of working from home, being around kids when they need me, and the unlimited scope I get when working for myself give that adrenaline rush and a push to keep at it.

I interact with many writers in writer and copywriter groups who understand my struggles better than my spouse. They are my safe haven to discuss problems, rant about bad clients, celebrate wins, and get some mojo.

Your partner can seem indifferent to your needs mostly because they don’t get it. Go, find your tribe.

. . .

5. Walk Away and Peace Out

I know it’s obvious, but sometimes you need to hear it out. Ignoring the person who ignores you works like a charm to bring back the attention most of the time. But no point sticking to a narcissist for too long to end up feeling like trash. Save those tears and hard feelings for something worthwhile and move on. You’ll thank yourself and realize that you saved yourself a sh*t load of unnecessary arrogance mixed neglect thrown at you for no reason.

Walking away when you’re emotionally hooked to someone is easier said than done. When I want to rid myself of emotional hurt, I always think of days before I met this person and how much better my life was. I love myself more than any f*cking loser to give any shit. A relationship with too much uneasy quiet, isn’t going to last very long anyway.

I’d say — cry all you want, but really know that they are the ones losing an opportunity to be in your life. Good riddance to Bad rubbish is what I say to myself over and over, and it helps me to heal emotional wounds faster.

. . .

To sum up, here are what helped me get over feeling neglected and feel loved again.

  • Being mindful of my individuality, I stopped giving f*cks to unnecessary things and people.
  • Filled my day with things I enjoyed the most. For example, watching or listening to my favorite comedy shows motivational books and podcasts.
  • Invested (time, effort, and money, honey) in life skills that are helping me grow without feeling stuck or feeling like I suck.
  • Setting goals to propel me one step further towards what I want to become.
  • Believing that I am not the problem always and the world is big enough to find another understanding person or just loving myself is good enough.

. . .

We often encounter miserable situations where we crave for, but won’t get the attention of the people we love. During those times, always remember you didn’t bring anyone with you to the world, which means you are enough for yourself.

Stop sulking about the silent treatment and feeling ignored. Be there for yourself. You’ll do better than when you are in an energy-draining relationship. Tell me about your ways of handling the sticky silence.

This post was previously published on Hello, Love.

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